Monday, 14 July 2008

Hi It's been hard having to adjust to life with Fibro, the worst thing is the feeling of frustration when the fibro limits your life.

There's nearly always a definite beginning for fms, people have had colds to near fatal accidents.
I have previously posted my story but I am goin g to touch on depression and how I am turning my promblems around (I still have them, I am providing no miracle cure!)
When I first did my back in I was suffering with depression, you'd have to be a Vulcan not to feel low if you went through the same. I started on this course: http://www.beatingtheblues.co.uk/btbOnline/introVideo.jsp was referred by my GP and since being diagnosed I started again when I got to Manchester. The first time was great, it helped me out of my depression and helped mine and Oli's relationship. The second time is a lot harder. A lot of the activities aren't relevent to what fms sufferers go through, making an activity sheet was EASY! Sticking to it, even harder, not because I am lazy but because it's not up to myself when I can do activities like seeing friends but when the Fibro says so. I can't make all my appointments so what I learn just goes out the window.

At the moment it feels like the Fibro has me I don't have IT!
This leads to me feeling low, at times suicidal and most of the time pretty useless. There are lots of things that I can do, I beleive it, it's not an empty statement. I can't help feel that I believe both, displacing one with the other isn't going to work as I have evidence for the both of them. Renaming it: "just a flare" or saying "it'll pass" is just denying what it really is a DISABILITY.
Although a flare temporary thing, Fibromyalgia isn't, it's hard work and in cognative behaviour therpay talk it's: Permanent, Internal and General.
It's permanent because there is no cure. It's internal because it's my body effecting my emotions, and general because it effects my life everyday in everyway.




I hate to compromise with Fibro, I fight it, trying to be normal. But how can you with limited spoons?



They call it a disability for a reason.

Compromising your life with an illness is what a lot of ppl deal with everyday.
There are a lot of reasons why I love being disabled:

1. I am totally sexeh! I have put on a bit of weight and some of it has gone to my BOOBIES, I am happier with myself now my curves are guilt free!
2. I try to make the most of my time, doing something educational or creative.
3. I value my health, I don't drink heavily and I know how to listen to my body
4.I value my relationships, my friends and family know that their fibropie tires easily and all our time is QUALITY. Me and Oli plan ahead but there's no pressure if things dont go our way.
5. Strangers are a lot nicer to me! Letting me cross the road, talking to me, giving up seats. whichleads nicely onto...
6. I have more confidence, I can talk to anyone and I am approachable now with my lil Letty (my stick, she lettys me go places I couldnt without her.

So my points are: I AM DISABLED but am FREAKIN' AWESOME!

1 comment:

Rehan Qayoom said...

What an awesome blog Claire, many things come to mind this time of the night whilst reading through it: melancholy, and chess (in terms of Destiny which to me, remains a mystery though I do believe in it to an extent), does Destiny work by strange whims? Who grants it the power to do so? Are we nothing but helpless pieces of a game of chess? What matters is to lead as happy and as fulfilling a life as possible.